


w•h•i•r•l•p•o•o•l

by blurring_the_lines



Series: collection [37]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Consuming Thoughts, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally/Mentally Tired, Fear, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Mild hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, Thought Projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:15:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29845524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurring_the_lines/pseuds/blurring_the_lines
Summary: He wants to be able to blame the mistakes he’s made, the people he's let down on something(other than the obvious culprit- himself)
Series: collection [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041193
Kudos: 16





	w•h•i•r•l•p•o•o•l

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mikeyfangirl811](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikeyfangirl811/gifts).



> i tried something new, writing style-wise.  
> lemme know what you think :))

Percy figures he doesn’t have ~~that~~ much to worry about when he’s on a raft in the middle of the ocean, being the son of Poseidon and all. Especially when the raft is magical and is probably being watched by the Gods themselves ~~_(Not that it matters, he thinks, most of them would_ **_love_ ** _to kill him in a heartbeat, anyways)_ ~~

Even so, a part of him can’t help but worry something will go wrong ~~\- it seems to happen a lot around him-~~ as he watches the water churn **_dangerously, angrily_** under him.

It reminds him of the sea of monsters when he, his friends, and an army of dead confederates had crossed Charbdys’ territory. The water had move **_uncontrollably, recklessly,_ ** just like it was now ~~_(reminding him that it’s a part of him, it’ll always_ **_be_ ** _a part of him. No amount of_ **_bleeding_ ** _will help)._~~

He wonders if it makes a difference- being a child of the Gods- and if it changes what he does, **~~who he is~~ ,** or if it’s all predetermined by the Fate’s _~~(he still~~_ _ ~~remembers the sound of the yarn cutting over three lanes of traffic, years later)~~. _He thinks if that’s the case, it’s not so bad. He wants to be able to blame the mistakes he’s made, the people he's let down on something ~~**_(other than the obvious culprit- himself)_ ** ~~ and they seem like a pretty good solution.

His gaze wanders back over the edge of the boat and how the water’s like blood ~~**(the way it spills everywhere, and stains what it touches)** ~~ ~~.~~ The thought makes him wanna jump over the side, but he knows it won't do anything, anyway, because he can’t drown ~~_(part of him wants to be able to, while the other part wonders what_ ~~~~_would happen if he did. Would his dad save him or would he just_ **_sink, sink, sink_ ** _?)_~~

He looks away ~~**so he’s not tempted**~~ and forces his thoughts elsewhere. His gaze diverts down to his hands and up to his arm to the **_new, aggressive_** scars there, like **_unforgiving_** mountains and valleys _~~of regret~~ , _ a constant reminder of what he did. The half a million people ~~**he**~~ displaced, the injuries and illnesses ~~**he caused**~~. 

Hephaestus’s words come back to him, **_cutting,_ ** _~~**cutting, cutting**~~ **,**_ like a knife- _you don’t know how powerful you are_. He turns them over in his head, as the ~~**terrifying**~~ realization that they were true hits him ~~**full force**~~ in the gut. 

He had lost control in the volcano ~~_(he’d lost control of his powers, of his emotions, of_ ** _himself_ ** ~~ _~~)~~ _which meant that it could happen again. He didn’t want to think about that ~~_(it stung almost as much like the lava that had seared through his skin, branding him,_ **_burning, burning, burning_ ** ~~ _~~)~~ , _but he just couldn’t wrap his mind around it. 

50,000 people.

**_50,000 people_**.

Everyone kept saying he was a hero, that he was supposed to be some sort of great prophecy child, and he would change the world ~~**_(maybe he would change the_**~~ ~~ ** _world, just not in a good way)_**~~ , but what was that supposed to mean if he couldn’t get ahold of **_himself?_** If he kept screwing everything up and **_others_** had to _**pay**_ for it?

He shifts again, ~~ _idly wondering what would happen if the raft got a hole in it_~~ , looking at stars. He ~~bitterly~~ thinks of how rather poetic ~~ally sad~~ it is that the sky is the last thing they leave behind. Like nothing else matters except what's above them ~~_the vast emptiness of infinity, that seemed to consume everything._~~ He sighs, staring up at the stars, at the constellations ~~_at Zoë Nightshade **(another person he failed)**_~~.

He's not ready to go back to camp. Going back means explaining what happened to Chiron and Annabeth what happened in the Labyrinth, in Mount St. Helens, and ~~_(he_~~ ~~ _knows)_~~ he's not ready to ~~relive it, to~~ tell them about it. The **_searing, hot_** pain still flares through him ~~**_(when he looks in the mirror)_**~~ , and the smell of smoke ~~**_(like_**~~ ~~ ** _ash_**~~ ~~ ** _and shrouds and death-)_**~~ clings to his skin and it attacks ~~_everyone one of_~~ his senses when he tries to breathe ~~**_(he tries to avoid doing it, but he can only ever_**~~ ~~ ** _last so long)._**~~

~~~~He's starting to wonder how long it will be until he sees land ~~ _(though maybe it'd be better if nobody ever saw him again)_~~ , because he's getting anxious ~~_(and riptide_~~ ~~ _feels like a **deadweight** in his pocket)_~~, when the raft comes to a stop, bumping along the shoreline ~~_(the water churns at the edge, and his thoughts feel like they're_~~ ~~ _going in circles, **spinning, spinning, spinning,** but never **going anywhere** )_~~.

**_(he tries to ignore his trembling legs and shaky hands as he gets off, and prepares himself for what's inevitably going to happen)_ **


End file.
